Childish Reviews #1

I listen to a lot of new music…a lot. That translates into a lot of album reviews for a couple different sites. But I have always been curious what my children would think of some of the albums that I’ve been loving. So we begin a new series of posts where I select one song off an album I’ve recently reviewed and let the kids have at it. We call these…Childish Reviews.

Paradise Lost –  “Beneath Broken Earth”

This track comes off their brilliant new album The Plague Within. The feedback was pretty quick on this one.

9 Year Old: My first instinct is to say, ‘Black Sabbath.’ I figured you’d like it because this riff sounds like Black Sabbath.

<Editor’s Note: At this point the two year old came running over. I asked him if he liked the song and he said he did. I asked him what he liked and he just started listing off everything he was seeing on the YouTube video I had playing – “Drums…guitar…microphone…” Then he ran off to watch Peppa Pig. So that was probably the first and last review you’re getting out of him. Apparently to a two year old microphones are as exciting as guitars and drums.>

15 year old: I really love that riff too. That is just a killer, killer riff.

11 year old: I think it has a great vibe. I love the drumming too.

Children Consensus: Three thumbs up!


My Dying Bride – “And My Father Left Forever”

Speaking of killer riffs off killer albums, next up is another classic U.K. doom outfit with a track off another stellar 2015 offering. They all sit silently, with heads bobbing, until the vocals kick in…

9 year old: Amazing. I like this better than the first song you played. This singer is fantastic.

11 year old: I don’t know why but at certain points the singer reminds me of Bruce Dickinson. I really like this.

15 year old: All I can say is, ‘wow.’ This is absolutely amazing.

At this point I tell them the name of the band and song title.

9 year old: Well no wonder it has that sort of creepy thing going on! It makes sense now being they are called My Dying Bride.

Children Consensus: Three Thumbs Up!


Gnaw Their Tongues – “Lick The Poison From The Cave Walls”

So I decided here to switch it up a bit. Whether they knew it or not they had all heard me play Paradise Lost and My Dying Bride before. Plus our family love of the aforementioned Black Sabbath was making this too easy. So I decided to get a little more obscure (and esoteric) on them. First up is one of the most unique and downright nasty black metal bands currently operating.

9 year old: Spooky. They should play this on ghost rides in haunted houses. I don’t like this…I mean I like it but I don’t because it’s creeping me out.

At this point my 9 year old makes the mistake of peaking around the laptop and gets a look at the album’s cover artwork.

9 year old: Now I’m really not so sure I like this now that I’ve seen the cover for it. That is really gross! That is a really creepy and gross cover.

11 year old: Eh. I don’t really like it. It’s kind of creeping me out too.

15 year old: This is sick in a good way.

9 year old: Sick as in I’m going to have nightmares tonight! That’s how gross this is.

Children Consensus: Two thumbs down and one thumb up.


Amber Asylum – “Executioner”

I decide to keep it a little weird, albeit a little less creepy than the last album…or so I thought…

9 year old: (Immediately after the song starts.) Well this is creepy. This the second song now that’s creeped me out. What the heck, dad?

15 year old: We’re like three second in, not even. Seriously?

9 year old: I’ve probably just watched too many Jurassic Park movies.

11 year old: This reminds me of, like, an old creepy prison with a bunch of ghosts in it.

15 year old: Yeah, that part sounded like creaking doors.

9 year old: It’s creeping me out. Just creeping me out over here.

At this point I decide to forward into the song a bit as the intro portion is a relatively long one (and apparently too creepy to handle). So we forward to a spot where the soothing female vocals are playing on top of the ambient sounds…

9 year old: I’m out of here. That’s it, I don’t like this. I’m out of here.

2 year old: Be quiet!!!

<Editor’s Note: Apparently we were interrupting Peppa Pig.>

Me: These guys actually aren’t a metal band. They are considered neo-classical. They use violin and cello and other classical instruments most of the time.

9 year old: What?!? That’s just creeping me out even more knowing that this is coming from some of the most beautiful instruments in the world.

Children Consensus: Two thumbs up, one “complete” thumbs down


Magic Circle – “Journey Blind”

I decided at this point we needed to bring the little guy back down to Earth a little bit. So I hit them with the title track off the newest album from retro traditional metal act Magic Circle. Needless to say it was well received.

9 year old: Calling it right now this is my favorite one so far. I’m going to cry this is so beautiful. Killer!

11 year old: The song starts off all beautiful but then it gets heavy and that guitar makes me feel like I’m walking through this never-ending desert or something.

9 year old: I like it a lot. The vocals are rad.

15 year old: Five words: Put it on my iPod. Six words: Please.

9 year old: I’m getting more sick listening to this – sick as in awesome – than I would be getting a cold.

15 year old: Honestly the vocals and riffs kind of remind me of Judas Priest styled New Wave of British Heavy Metal.

9 year old: Oh don’t worry. This is not the end…(singing) You got another thing coming…

Children Consensus: Three Thumbs up!


Favorite tracks:
9 year old – Magic Circle
11 year old – My Dying Bride

15 Year old – Magic Circle



4 thoughts on “Childish Reviews #1

  1. First off: LOVE this as a segment.
    Second: I was going through old CD’s from my parents’ attic and found an old My Dying Bride CD… interesting coincidence that you’re reviewing them now. I will say, I think it sounds pretty good.

    Keep it up. can’t wait to read more.


  2. Great segment, and a great sign of some children getting proper music education. Seems like the kids are admirers of UK Doom metal. I’ve tried to do similar with my niece and nephew (ages 6 and 2) but my niece very quickly tells me shut it off( to be fair, her mother has conditioned her to mainly enjoy Taylor Swift). The boy is just intrigued by the volume of it and just asks what it is, so there’s still hope.


    1. Thanks for reading! Well, they’ve been fans of Black Sabbath for along time, so the link to UK doom makes total sense when I think abut it. Keep at it with your niece and nephew. They’ll come around eventually…or they won’t. But either way you are at least supplying them the opportunity to hear something different than mainstream pop so good on you!


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