Welcome to another installment of Childish Reviews, where my children review tracks from recently released metal albums (and this month a classic track as well).
Eight Bells – Hating
First up is Portland’s post metal power-trio, Eight Bells. Adroitly mixing in ethereal aesthetics and elements of doom and psych rock, their new album, Landless, is one of the most unique metal albums released so far this year.
12 year old: I like the vocals. They have this dark, gloomy feeling and I like them a lot.
9 year old: I like it. It’s good.
16 year old: It’s got this sort of hard rock tone but at the same time this darker, gloomy tone at the same time and with the vocals, how they are layered, it’s really awesome.
Ratings:
16 year old – 9
12 year old – 9
9 year old – 7
Average McCabe Family Rating: 8.33
Magrudergrind – Sacrificial Hire
Next up is the brutal grind of Magrudergrind. Immediately the 9 year old puts on a “metal face” and starts rocking out at the table. Laughter ensues…but will this enthusiasm last…
16 year old – It’s like, just an endless blast of confusion and it’s amazing.
12 year old – (With a legitimate look of fear and confusion on her face.) Um…I don’t know…9 year old – It’s good. I like how everything blends into one explosion.
Ratings:
16 year old – 7.5
12 year old – 7
9 year old – 5
Average McCabe Family Rating: 6.5
Ritual Chamber -Beings of Entropy
Time to get a little “creepy.” Next up the brutal, atmospheric death metal of Ritual Chamber.
9 year old (Immediately after the first couple notes) – It sounds like something out of an old asylum.
16 year old – Where do you get this stuff?
9 year old – What? I was looking at some Minecraft horror maps earlier. I like it. It has everything metal needs, including being creepy.
*It should be noted that in the last Childish Reviews he was adamant he wasn’t a fan of really anything with gruff vocals. This was an interesting development to say the least.
16 year old – It all just blends very well together. This is something I’d listen to on my walk to school.
12 year old – It sounds like a ghost in the graveyard is coming up out of the ground to kill you and bring you back down to the grave to take its place.
*This last comment was given with a forced, wide-eyed, “spooky” look on her face. Laughter ensued right after, but the sentiment was truthful.
Ratings:
16 year old – 8
12 year old – 7
9 year old – 6
Average McCabe Family Rating: 7
Inverloch -Lucid Delirium
Next up is the exceptional death doom of Australia’s Inverloch. For this track even the 3 year old decided to chime in…
9 year old – It’s very heavy. I’m not sure if this old man likes it.
3 year old – It’s not very good to sing this song because it’s not rock n’ roll.
*Note: For the 3 year old, “rock n’ roll” is what he’s dubbed AC/DC. Take that comment at face value…
16 year old – This is the kid of heaviness I’ve come to expect from a band from Australia.
12 year old – Um…it sounds like thunder you’re trying to run from. Then you get yourself inside a castle and there’s this vampire who is trying to suck your blood. And…yeah…you die at the end.
Ratings:
16 year old – 7
12 year old – 7
9 year old – 3.5
Average McCabe Family Rating: 5.83
Warlock – Hellbound
So this had been a particularly heavy version of Childish Reviews. So I decided for the last song to throw it back to the mid-80s with the Doro Pesch fronted Warlock. Apparently the band’s hair made more of an impression that the music unfortunately…
16 year old – Kind of reminds me of Iron Maiden.
12 year old (While watching the video) – 80s hair was weird. Their hair is just so poofy.
16 year old – But you like Cyndi Lauper and her hair was always weird.
9 year old – The 80s were weird in general.
16 year old – This is just live footage guys. The actual videos were that much weirder.
9 year old – I’m giving this a one rating.
16 year old – Wow! What the hellbound?!?
Ratings:
16 year old – 8.5
12 year old – 8
9 year old – 1
Average McCabe Family Rating: 5.83
The Metal Dad 